Lessons learned in Portugal: Bring a Korean and a screaming baby

After a fairly rainy summer in London (shocker), I decided to take a quick trip to Portugal because flights to Greece were too expensive and my skin was becoming as pale as a Twilight character’s. I was pleasantly surprised by the low-key beauty of Portugal. The turquoise-blue water and winding city streets of Lisbon kept my friends and I entertained, and people on the streets were constantly promoting their restaurants, begging us to come try their seafood. I’ve never felt so popular, or so full.

I learned two things on my travels:

      I should always travel with a Korean.

I’ve always loved meeting eccentric people when I travel, and my Korean friend Eugene made this really easy to do. Eugene was a hit in Portugal. Every day on the street, people asked where she was from (Stranger: “Are you from China?” Eugene: “No!”). One of these people was Carlos, a local in the tiny town of Faro, Portugal, who was trying to promote his restaurant to tourists.

Carlos taught us valuable life lessons:

·         “When you are traveling, do not plan your day around food.”

o   Too late. Our life in Portugal revolved around eating.

·         “If you do not like a woman’s personality, you will not like her boobs or ass.”

o   Carlos has obviously never met Kanye West.

Although Carlos is fun to make fun of, he had some valuable advice to share, too. His philosophy involved living life to the fullest and not being afraid to meet people. In all seriousness, these are important lessons that everyone should follow.

I should always bring a screaming baby with me to the airport.

It was midnight, 50 degrees and rainy when my friends and I returned to London. As we waited in line to get through customs, a man pushed through the queue with his wife and screaming baby. The man was smiling as the baby screamed, and I soon found out why. He was using the baby to get through the line faster.

“Sorry, the baby’s crying. We need to get through. See, she’s crying.” He was Jesus and the crowd was the Red Sea. They magically parted.

While we waited in line for at least 20 minutes, that family got through the line in about 5.

If anyone would like to rent their fussy child to me the next time I travel, please let me know. I have 10 years of babysitting experience, and, thanks to the faithful tutoring of Eugene, I can teach your child how to say “Hello,” “fat,” and “How are you?” in Korean.