This weekend, I was once again impressed by the pageantry and
tradition of the British. Trooping
the Colour, which occurred Saturday, was a chance for the Queen to
officially celebrate her birthday and inspect her royal troops.
As I stood along the road to Buckingham Palace for hours
waiting for a glimpse of the Queen, Saturday was also an opportunity for me to
imagine how the Queen’s birthday would be different if she celebrated it in
Florida. Every time I look back upon this moment, my beautiful daydream becomes
more and more elaborate…
There she was, the Queen,
riding to the Horse Guards Parade, where she inspects the troops, not in a
carriage but on a four wheeler, with trusty security guards wearing camo by her
side. Her corgis rode in a basket on the front of the four wheeler, wearing
football jerseys.
Her troops were not
riding horses. They were wrestling alligators, and rednecks from all the swamps
in the land gathered on the side of the road, chugging Bud Lights and singing “God
Bless Amuurica.”
Will and Harry, the
All-American heroes, left their carriage and their chances of mingling with the
troops behind. Instead, they were riding down the road in Harleys, steering
with one hand and tossing a football with the other. When their motorcycles
broke down, Tim Tebow magically appeared and pulled them down the road instead,
stiff-arming anyone who tried to get in his way.
Kate Middleton dressed
like a sorority girl at a football game, with a flowing dress and a chunky
beaded necklace to match. Her hair, as always, was perfect.
Instead of expecting
the troops, the Queen watched as they performed an impromptu step show, accompanied
by live rap music and beat boxing.
The day did not end
with a flyover. It ended with illegal fireworks reflected in the murky waters
of my neighborhood swamp and the distant sound of sirens as the police came to
break up the party and throw everyone in jail…
This dream, like all good dreams, came to an end. I
love poking fun at Florida because it’s where I grew up. Sure, the U.K. has
more pomp and circumstance, but does it have alligators? Swamps? Tim Tebow?
The beauty of tradition is that it’s most meaningful to the people
who have grown up with it. Trooping the Colour was probably much more significant for the British woman standing next to me that day, who had brought
her great-grandson to watch a tradition that her brother and nephew had
participated in as royal guards.
I may not understand all of the symbolism behind the festivities
that I watched on Saturday, but I do know one thing:
If the Queen ever rides a four wheeler, I’ll definitely wait
in line again to see that.
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